I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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