Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
