I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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