You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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