a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize