i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
