What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My balls are so social today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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