By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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