i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
