Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
