Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I die, sorry about rent.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
