Screwed.edu
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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