Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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