I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
