I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
