the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
