I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
