I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
