Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
