look no pants
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
