the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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