Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
