On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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