i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
