He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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