I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize