Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
