OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
