if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't think brook has ever known best
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize