Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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