i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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