Swine flu. Run for my life!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
