I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
