Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
