i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
