I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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