sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
