i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
