I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
