who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
