Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
