She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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