You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
