plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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