It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
