I will die if light touches me.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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