im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize