tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
