Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
