That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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