someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
