i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
