i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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