I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
