I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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