Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
