Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize