just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
3 2 1 whiskey
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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