I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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