I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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