i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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