butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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