but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
