I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
