Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
