i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
