I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Soap is not a condiment
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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