Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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