Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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