You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
