I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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