We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
