Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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