he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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