You just made me feel so damn special
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
