Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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