On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
