NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
