I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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