We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
