I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
