Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
