Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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