Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think i have herpe
just one?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize