fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
