Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
