I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
