Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
