I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
