I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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