even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
