You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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