you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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