Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
