Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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