I smell stomach acid.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
