I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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