life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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