im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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