I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize