This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
